


The Love You Need

by Halighfataliter



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Angst, Gen, Loneliness, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Widow, Widowed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-24
Updated: 2012-07-24
Packaged: 2017-11-10 15:44:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/467953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halighfataliter/pseuds/Halighfataliter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>And you think, don't leave me too, I can't do this without you.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Love You Need

The egg whites are firm and shiny, shaped in soft curves to the movement of your hand. Your arm aches and you know you should stop before you ruin them but all you can think of is the swishing sound of the whisk over the radio. It reminds you of happy days. You hum under your breath, softly because Elysia is sleeping upstairs and you try hard to forget the silence underneath it all.  
   
It never works for long and your throat constricts with tears you don’t let fall anymore.  
   
  
 _(_ _and sometimes it seems the going is just too rough)_  
  
   
You’ve done this often enough that you know to step on the edge of the floorboards so that they won’t creak. You slide across the floor like a shadow, one hand trailing along the wall. Your world can’t quite find its axis anymore and you feel terribly off balance.  
   
You stop at her door and your heart swells at the sight of her. Your baby, your beautiful little girl. Moonlight spills over her in a white flood. She looks so delicate, almost ethereal and you think, don’t leave me too. I can’t do this without you.  
  
   
 _(but she’s got the love, she’s got the love)_  
  
  
The candle burns bright and steady in the dim kitchen. You watch the golden flame, its core so bright it looks almost white and it would be soothing if all the chairs were not empty. It is late and you let the breath leave your lungs in one long exhale. The flame flickers, fights against the air, then disappears in an incandescent whisper. Happy anniversary, darling.  
   
You wonder how others can do it. It feels like you will never be whole again, like this weight on your chest will crush you to dust. You think of the rest of your life without him and despair hits you like a crashing wave. On the table, your hands start shaking.  
   
  
 _(_ _and sometimes you feel like saying, Lord, I just don't care)_  
   
  
You take your shoes off and sit on her bed carefully. The bed dips under your weight but Elysia remains undisturbed. So slowly, you lower yourself next to her small body, in that little space she always seems to leave for you.  
   
You reach a trembling hand to her head. Her hair is soft, so soft, under your fingertips and you feel calm settle over you.  
   
It tears at your heart sometimes, this all-consuming love, this devouring need for her. You fight it with all your will because she deserves better than that, better than sadness and anguish. But when night comes and memories fill the house like shadows, you give into it. You press yourself to her side and hold onto her. Some nights you think, your life might very well depend on it.  
   
  
 _(but she’s got the love you need to see you through)_

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt "Giving in/Giving Up". 
> 
> Lyrics and title from Florence + The Machine's _You've got the love_


End file.
